You Went Where?!?!

[Originally posted to my blog ‘Point of Tears’ on Feb 15, 2005.]

I took the day off today. I don’t take days off very often, but we were suppose to go up to the lake but decided to wait until the four day weekend.

As such, I didn’t have any plans to go anywhere, or anything special planned for my day off so when my Mom suggested a day trip to Capitola and the beach the Brat and I jumped at the chance.

But Fate, you’re probably saying, the weather was horrible today on the coast. Couldn’t you have picked a better day?

Probably. But you see, my daughter and I love the water so much it’s unlikely you’d get us to say no to a trip to the coast. So off we went.

And yes, we did go to the beach in the rain. We weren’t any crazier than the tens of surfers out there. I mean, all we did was roll up our pant legs as high as they could go and wade in the surf a bit.

The beach was actually beautiful today. The sky with dark blue-grey roiling clouds, and the tide coming in. . .I could sit there all day and take it in.

But I didn’t sit. I walked along the beach, tempting fate by veering further and further into the rising tide. If I could have, I would have stripped down and dove into the water. Yes, I know it’s cold. My feet were numb after about five minutes. . .but I love the water. I love the ocean and the feel of the sand under my feet, the crash of the wave over me, the salty smell. . .I love everything about it. I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time I went into the ocean in the middle of the winter!

I taught the Brat how to stand still as the tide went back to sea so you could feel the water drag the sand out from under your feet. I ran after her and splashed her, (were we really dumb enough to not bring extra clothes?), waded into the water further and further, picked up shells (she’s a collector of EVERYTHING), and generally just had a good time.

But underneath the fun, my mind was tinged with sadness. For this beach town is my son’s town. This is where he lives with his family, and I miss him. It probably sounds silly to say, but I can almost feel a closer connection to him in that town. I spent some of my last weeks pregnant with him laying on a beach just down the road. Waddling out into the waves to float suspended in the salty water, introducing him to one of my favorite places in the world. I know that now he loves the water. Much like myself and his sister, he loves the water with a passion and would rather be in it than out of it.

I took a moment there today at the edge of the ocean. A moment to close my eyes, open my senses, and think of him. I hope my message got through.

Happy Valentine’s Day Ross. I love you and miss you more than you will ever know.

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