What Are You Suppose To Say?

[Originally posted to my blog ‘Point of Tears’ on Jun 7, 2005.]

It’s all so surreal. Despite the fact that it’s all over the news, it feels like I’m a bit character in a Law & Order episode. I still can’t wrap my head around this all being real. I desperately want to go to work on Wednesday and have her walk in the door to tell me I screwed something else up.

But I just keep thinking that I have to tell the Brat. You see, Dee is one of the Brat’s favorite people in the world. Any time I brought her to work with me I would always try and limit the amount of times that the Brat would bug her. Not that she cared. She loved the Brat just about as much as the Brat loved her. Dee would spoil her rotten and just loved to take her places, buy her things and just hang out with her . . .

So now what do I say?

The Brat is not going to go for, “Dee passed away.” She’ll want to know how. And while I should be able to keep most of the gory details from her, what the hell am I supposed to say?

Quite frankly, I’m terrified. Completely and utterly terrified.

Parenting is always an adventure, but usually I at least feel like I have *some* knowledge I’ve obtained earlier in life that will help me get through each parenting challenge I face. Not this time.

This time I’m so clueless I actually wish they really had a manual.

Anyone? Anyone?

Damn. I guess I’m swinging this one on my own.

I ended up sleeping on the couch with the lights and tv on last night. I think that all the details I keep seeking out, trying to make reality sink into my brain, finally got to me. I mean it’s hard enough to struggle with the concept of Dee getting hurt by someone; but it’s a thousand times harder conceiving that someone I know did this to her.

Then let’s couple that with the fact that this was not a simple murder of passion. This person murdered her and then tried to hide the fact by dismembering her body into many pieces.

Honestly? From what I know of this person, he must have gone insane to think that it would ever work. Which is one of the reasons I just can’t wrap my head about it all. Knowing both of these people doesn’t jive with what I know.

Well, I’m home for the day. I was supposed to be up at Fresno for orientation today. Unfortunately I received a letter from Fresno stating that they had some problems with my admission and I needed to clear that up or I have to start in the Spring rather than the Fall. While it wouldn’t be the end of the earth to start in the Spring rather than the Fall, it’s pretty disappointing.

Sooooo, I was on the phone half of the day yesterday with a University in North Carolina that I took a class with in 1992 to try and get the information I need. I got a phone call at 5:30am from a very nice lady who didn’t realize I was in California who told me that she couldn’t help me. Until I asked if she could talk to the Department Chair (duh!) to possibly write something up.

Luckily the Department Chair is originally from California and has some sense of what I need. Hopefully he can write something up that will satisfy Fresno’s requirement and I can get all of this cleared up.

Cross your fingers for me.


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