Hidden Stress

[Originally posted to my blog ‘Point of Tears’ on May 23, 2005.]

I just got back from a leisurely “lunch.” I ate at my desk earlier, but decided I needed some time away from the office and headed out to Starbucks. Amazingly enough I spent about an hour sipping on my frappuccino, with my head in my math book, reviewing for my final.

Amazing. Why? Well, at the beginning of this semester I found math to be so stressful that I found myself cracking jokes at it’s expense. Now, three months later, I find myself immersed in the numbers and the processes . . . relaxed. I didn’t look up for more than a minute or two during that hour, my mind focused on the numbers . . on getting that right answer.


I’ve been fairly relaxed about this whole end of the semester thing so far. I think I figured that I only have one final really. A snap, right? I mean, the papers I have to finish (from last semester) ain’t nothing but a thing. I could do those in my sleep.

Unfortunately, the stress I’ve been hiding from myself finaly reared it’s head after a phone call from my mom saying that she wouldn’t be coming down to watch the Brat tonight like she’s been doing before. I was so busy being accomodating of my mother’s needs that I completely forgot that I need to study tonight.


This dawned on me only after the phone was put down. Those last few seconds as my arm reached towards the cradle to set the headset down turned into one of those cartoons where Wile E. Coyote goes over the edge of the cliff in his desperate attempt to catch the Road Runner.

My face as the headset touched down must have looked a lot like his does just as the realization hits that he’s gone to far and is going to fall. And although he doesn’t cry when this happens, I burst into tears as I snatched up the phone to call her back, only to realize I didn’t have her phone number with me!

Well, the short of it is that she’s suppose to be coming down, although I just moments ago got a call from her telling me she’s having car problems and might not be able to make it down after all. I haven’t burst into tears this time, but I can feel them hovering, just behind my eyes.


Damn. My life is ever the roller coaster. After running an errand I noticed something sitting on the corner of my desk. It was a stuff grad bear. He stands about a foot tall and is dressed in a blue sweater that says, “Class of 2005″ on the front. I picked him up and took him back to my chair, looked around . . . no card.

Who could have left this here? Hmmmm. . . a friend said she was going to have someone drop something off to me . . maybe it was her!

Nope. Wasn’t her. Uhhhmmmm. . . wait! There was an email earlier! I looked back at it and I realize that the subject of the email is, “grad bear.”


In the email was simply a poem:

To my favorite graduate
As you leave this place
That you have graced
For lo these many years

Enjoy your success
For you are the best
We’ll miss seeing you at your desk.

Fresno here you come
Ready or not!
Cherie is in town
in her graduation gown!

Wow. Very cool.

I ran over to give my friend Susan a BIG thank you hug and she told me that she wants me to stick it on my desk in the very front so EVERYONE can see it!

No more tears today. Life is good


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