Stunned, Dazed And Devastated

[Originally posted to my blog ‘Point of Tears’ on Jun 6, 2005.]

I came in this morning with thoughts on actually posting something. Not really anything of note. Just some random thoughts rolling through my head. Some filler. Something to let you all know that I am still alive over here.

But then I came to work.

Usually this is not such a big deal. I come to work five days a week and nothing untoward happens. Until today.

Today I came in, and as usual, I went over to the next office to say hello, and to talk to my financial guy; but just before I walked in the door I could hear crying. I rounded the door to find three of the four members of the office crying. The boss was on the phone and one of the others whispered that it was something about the other member of the office. Something bad happened to her.

As the woman on the phone talked and the others cried, I figured it was a bad accident. Maybe a car accident? Her baby was sick maybe? I stood, wide-eyed and waiting.

When she finally got off the phone, she confirmed what the others knew. My friend was murdered over the weekend by her partner.

It’s not public yet. We’re still trying to get details. And I can’t possibly wrap my head around it. I *do* know that her baby is okay. He’s what? Three now? Right now he’s in Child Protective Services. Not where he should be. He should be with his mother. Or at least his sister.

I’m sorry. I was close to this person. This person they say someone brutally killed. I can’t accept it right now. I can’t comprehend it. Understand it. I mean, I know the person they say hurt her. I talked to him Friday. I talked to *her* Friday. They were supposed to come over this weekend. Possibly rent my apartment after I left.

How am I going to tell Crystal? This person is one of her all-time favorite people in the whole wide world. And now she’s dead.

I can’t do this. I can’t understand this. You never expect for this type of thing to touch you. You never expect it to. To happen. And when it does, you wonder at humanity as a whole.

I’m gonna go now. I need to sit with someone else. I just can’t be here alone in my office right now. I’ll talk to you all later.

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